lying down in explor room. had a long and tiring day carrying out the facil workshop. my mind is a blank such that i think i debrief qt badly today. some more they look up to us. my fren liting was qt upset. she said it was a v bad debrief. but i dunnoe. haiz. i almost cried. well i broke down. too many emotions welled up inside already. i also dunnoe if u knw. where are u when i need comfort. only receive one msg asking if i saw ur thumbdrive. hey, i gave it to u. why wld u need it. was tt an excuse to msg me. i think i think too much.
i hate it. tt day i was drinking with hsu and jm i really wanted to msg u ask u how u are. they both said i was crazy and emo and shldnt. but i go against their advice only for me to be hurt. u dun seem to care do u - or do u not? i knw u still care - but why do this to me... well i knw e reason. coz i am not in ur life anymore. someone else is.
i am v upset. maybe e only way to move is with someone else. but i knw if i move on with someone else, and if u do decide to come back.. it wld be nearly impossible for me to be happy. well, hsu said tt prob 6 months down. we prob shld just be together.. as in me and her.. coz she aint v happy with her r/s too. so if we both are unhappy together at least thats fair. well she was kiddin lar. but she made a point. i knw if i get into another r/s or the next r/s i wun be as happy as i wil be with u.
then again... who can ever be happy.
hey.. yeah u.. come back to me.. coz if i do get into another r/s it would be practically impossible to come back to u.. even if i still love u.. i still will not.. coz it would be unfair to her.. and i would have attempted to move on with my life. i am not a LJL. so i beg of u to come back tom. dun make me wait and think and delay. by now i prob have met a few gals but they are not u.
ur birthday is coming too and i wanted to have a surprise for u. but my frens refused to allow me to do anything more than a card for u. selfish. they seem to have lost the respect they had for u. but come back and salvage any dignity left in u. they will understand and if u do come back they will more than support my decision i am sure - probably except ky.
life is still the same... smoking and drinking to keep alive. my stomach hurts - think my gastric has given up hope on me already. pls dun ruin my life. i am weak.
anyway, tom i will be going to watch superman - i hope u wld be watching with me. but i knw not. sigh. cries.
dearest i love u. and in my hp i still cannot bear to change ur name to hong xiaohui. it remains dearest.
hsu and i make several commitments the other nite. and one of which is everything shall remain a good memory. everything shall remain a good memory. i am listening to a list of songs i complied especially for u - hsu said its an emo test and i agree. if it is i think my feelings for u remain as strong as ever.
ok ok.. i shall end here.
another day i shall blog the poem i have for u. u knw e one i wrote in our book? e one i wrote last last sunday. "Baren"
and another day i shall type out my dream for u..
meantime i love u.. always..