feeling terrible now. just came back from meeting up with jh and jm. and i still not slpy. sigh.
i dunnoe why - but life is full of shit.
really having trouble coping with my mental and emotional baggage.
of all people u wld knw what i mean. i dunnoe how u can get on with ur life like this. really. i really dunnoe. coz i cant.
emotional baggage that i will lug for the rest of my life - its really hard.

smt jolt me - and i start to imagine - think - ponder
and then reality hit me - i realise its not so simple - obviously u haven tot of it.
but now i realise. i cant say move on then i move on - coz i carry an emotional baggage that no one can understand.
100percent physical and 100percent emotional.
and i realise i cant bring it over....

and then i realise i got to move - or so i decide to move on
i decide now tt i will move on. today i will - i dunnoe how if i can. what if one day i want u back.
what if one day u want me back?
can i take u back? i dunnoe... i say now i wun coz i cant. tt time i say i can but now i realise i wun.
i wun and cant.
but u will read this one day.. u will knw of this blog one day...
and tt day comes what if u want me back. can i?
do i have e courage to want u back?
wat if i moved on with another gal?
i knw and i am sure if i move on with another gal i wun want u back coz by then i wld have decided to spend the rest of my life with this gal.
but this emotional baggage i cannot just let it down. no one - perhaps only jm knws what this is. coz i told him. and i doubt he understands coz i knw he doesnt. no one will. coz no one is me. no one feels the way i do. simply put no one is me - and when it comes to me no one knws. u dunnoe me too.

i want to move on. i hope i can. i really hope i do move on with someone new. but this thought remains in me. can i let it go?
only time will tell me. by then wld i be with u? wld u have read this?
if u read this will u still want me back? if u knew and understand how i feel wld u still want me back.

i doubt so. i so doubt. i hope i dun doubt the doubts i have.
i love u but i at this pt of time i am moving on.

i cant go on with my life not eating. i cant go on with my life smoking a pack a day. i cant move on drinking everyday till i think my stomach is spoilt. i have to move on but can i?

i stil love u. but i dun think i can be with u. but if u read this and want me back wld i hesitate and take u back? i think i just might. but dun doubt me. if u want me back pls say so - dun hesitate to tell me. i want u to tell me u want me back. dun read this and then tell me u change ur mind already. just tell me u want me back. pls. pls. i beg u. just tell me so. i want u back. so do e same. just say. just say u want me back. dun read this and say u no u cant. coz i knw u do even with ur deepest doubts i knw u do. so tell me u want me back.

love