Would YOU dedicate this song to me now?????
Would YOU say this is how you are feeling now????

2 things:
either u want me back....

or
you want me to move on...

or perhaps everything is too late now???

____________________________________

"Unfaithful"

Story of my life
Searching for the right
But it keeps avoiding me
Sorrow in my soul
Cause it seems that wrong
Really loves my company

He's more than a man
And this is more than love
The reason that the sky is blue
But clouds are rolling in
Because I'm gone again
And to him I just can't be true


And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...A murderer

I feel it in the air
As I'm doing my hair
Preparing for another date
A kiss upon my cheek
As he reluctantly
Asks if I'm gonna be out late
I say I won't be long
Just hanging with the girls
A lie I didn't have to tell
Because we both know
Where I'm about to go
And we know it very well

Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...A murderer

Our love, his trust
I might as well take a gun and put it to his head
Get it over with
I don't wanna do this
Anymore
Uh
Anymore (anymore)
I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
And everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
And I don't wanna hurt him anymoreI don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer (a murderer)
No no no no
Yeah yeah yeah

i still feel hopeless for u. Yesterday dream of u again. woke up twice.
but twice i didnt msg u. coz i couldnt do it.
though i am weak. and now i msg u.

the hp just rang. issit u?

u knw whatever u told me the other day i forget already. i dunnoe if u asked me to move on or not.

shits.

the score is 3 v 2. yet i dunnoe.

now i feel i am the fucker.

there are just so many songs i wanna sing to u.

it so happen the other nite u step into the ktv room and i was about to sing jie kou. no wonder i couldnt sing it properly.

sigh. and i was singing alright before that.

i got a playlist for u. would u want to hear it?

i wanna sing to u wld u wanna listen?

i didnt go last nite coz i felt it wasnt right. If i had to act as if u are my gf i would be no better than him.
Asked u to ask him or at least to let him knw but u didnt want.
Are u going becoz of grandpa or u went becoz of me? i really dunnoe...
Why did u meet up with jason without me knwing? why do i always not knw anyting? why am i the clown?
So i decided not to go. i cant be him. i am not him. i have more respect for you and him than him for us.
fuck.. why am i so kind...

anyway if u want me back just tell me... dun keep playing mind games with me.. dun play with me if u are not sure. if u are not sure u shld just be alone. how can u not make a decision. let me make it for u? u are hypocrite if u say u are not sure.

u told us in front of him that u are not sure becoz of dunnoe what.. i cant remember.. but its not becoz u are unsure bout ur decision to choose him.

stop messing my mind can?

its either u want me back or not.. but dun keep me in the leesh.. dun hold me back...

i dunnoe... just be clear...

so i can move on..

trust me.. if u want me back u got to be sure and clear.. hear that? sure and clear...
if not dun say u want time off and yet u keep messing my mind with ur antics...

dun be selfish pls...

Dun tell me u need some time off if u keep on msging me...

i knw u stil love me. yesh u still do.

but u are a coward. u are selfish.

and u expect me to understand?

feeling terrible now. just came back from meeting up with jh and jm. and i still not slpy. sigh.
i dunnoe why - but life is full of shit.
really having trouble coping with my mental and emotional baggage.
of all people u wld knw what i mean. i dunnoe how u can get on with ur life like this. really. i really dunnoe. coz i cant.
emotional baggage that i will lug for the rest of my life - its really hard.

smt jolt me - and i start to imagine - think - ponder
and then reality hit me - i realise its not so simple - obviously u haven tot of it.
but now i realise. i cant say move on then i move on - coz i carry an emotional baggage that no one can understand.
100percent physical and 100percent emotional.
and i realise i cant bring it over....

and then i realise i got to move - or so i decide to move on
i decide now tt i will move on. today i will - i dunnoe how if i can. what if one day i want u back.
what if one day u want me back?
can i take u back? i dunnoe... i say now i wun coz i cant. tt time i say i can but now i realise i wun.
i wun and cant.
but u will read this one day.. u will knw of this blog one day...
and tt day comes what if u want me back. can i?
do i have e courage to want u back?
wat if i moved on with another gal?
i knw and i am sure if i move on with another gal i wun want u back coz by then i wld have decided to spend the rest of my life with this gal.
but this emotional baggage i cannot just let it down. no one - perhaps only jm knws what this is. coz i told him. and i doubt he understands coz i knw he doesnt. no one will. coz no one is me. no one feels the way i do. simply put no one is me - and when it comes to me no one knws. u dunnoe me too.

i want to move on. i hope i can. i really hope i do move on with someone new. but this thought remains in me. can i let it go?
only time will tell me. by then wld i be with u? wld u have read this?
if u read this will u still want me back? if u knew and understand how i feel wld u still want me back.

i doubt so. i so doubt. i hope i dun doubt the doubts i have.
i love u but i at this pt of time i am moving on.

i cant go on with my life not eating. i cant go on with my life smoking a pack a day. i cant move on drinking everyday till i think my stomach is spoilt. i have to move on but can i?

i stil love u. but i dun think i can be with u. but if u read this and want me back wld i hesitate and take u back? i think i just might. but dun doubt me. if u want me back pls say so - dun hesitate to tell me. i want u to tell me u want me back. dun read this and then tell me u change ur mind already. just tell me u want me back. pls. pls. i beg u. just tell me so. i want u back. so do e same. just say. just say u want me back. dun read this and say u no u cant. coz i knw u do even with ur deepest doubts i knw u do. so tell me u want me back.

love